Before I met him and he taught me how to speak my mind, I could never say what i was really thinking or feeling.
I can say a lot more aloud now, but there is still a quiet part inside my head that sits front row, too busy watching the world and observing everything, taking every moment and every person in with a mouth too full of theatrical popcorn to speak a word.
So here she is to type.
I have never been away from my family for such a long time - One hand.
On the other, I’ve never experienced somebody who cares for me as much for me as much as I care for them. Somebody who will pull me away from drains on the sidewalk, or cars on the road, or walk below me on stairs just in case I fall. Somebody who analyses my face for my every emotion and clings onto my every breath.
Somebody who I care about equally - where he goes, how much sleep he gets, who he spends time with…whether he is happy. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder why it is me he’s chosen to dedicate so much of himself to. I don’t think i’ll ever understand, but I don’t take it for granted. He doesn’t take me for granted. i want to spend the rest of my life with him and I know that without him, there would be no other for me.
In a perfect world, i’d have him and my family together in the one place at the same time. But living on the other side of the world - for what has been three months as of yesterday - away from my family has been so much more difficult than i originally anticipated.
In a perfect world, where we all had money and i’d won the lottery four times over, i’d bring them here with me now, or we would go to them.
I miss my dogs soft head and warm cuddles. I miss my Mum’s ever-caring persistence and my Dad’s terrible jokes and inability to see the negative in anybody’s life. I miss my Brother’s hugs when he comes home and i miss how genuine he is when he tells me he has missed me. I miss my best friend. I miss spending all day with her and returning home on the train with aching abdominals because there wasn’t a moment we weren’t laughing at, or with one another.
But sitting here at home right now, in Atlanta while my boyfriend is at work. I also miss him and he is only a five minute walk away.
I miss my grandma and my aunty’s, uncle’s and cousin’s in England.
In a perfect world, America would rest on England’s border to the right, with Australia to its left. And i would have the best of all three worlds and i’d never have to miss anybody.
I’d never have to ache.
But, this is my life and I am happy here in America with my best friend, partner in crime, future husband and soul mate.
but no body can have it all.
Curtains closed. That’s all from me for now. i’ll take a seat back in front row and wait for the next screening to begin.